If this girl walked by you, would you have the courage to talk to her?
(IF you haven’t read my answer to a similar question, here is the link. If you have, be sure to scroll down to the end for additional ways to start a conversation with ANYONE)
Maybe she has a boyfriend.
Maybe she’s out of my league.
She probably wouldn’t like me anyways.
I’ll just watch her and see if anyone comes and talks to her.
She’s probably stuck up and shallow.
This is what goes through your mind when you see a beautiful girl.
I know, because I used to think these things.
This is an ACTUAL PHOTO of the girl of my dreams.
Yes, this actual scenario happened to me.
I had the opportunity to talk to her.
You know how long it took me to walk up to her?
You want to know why I didn’t hesitate?
Because I had practiced for this thousands of times.
I was prepared.
And I was lucky enough to have her cross my path when I was ready to meet her.
This is Alina. My girlfriend.
Think of all the girls that you’ve seen that were so beautiful, they stopped you in your tracks.
How many times did you hesitate to talk to them?
Did you ever go up and talk to them?
If you never want to hesitate again, Read on.
Here are the things I did to prepare me to meet Alina.
Step 1: BE PREPARED
I’ve missed over 9,000 shots in my career.
I’ve lost almost 300 games.
26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed.
I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life.
And that is why I succeed
~ Michael Jordan
How many times a day do you talk to people you don’t know?
I’m not talking about someone you think is attractive.
I’m talking about the mailman, the coffee barista, the janitor, the person standing next to you on the bus.
If you’re not talking to people EVERYDAY, how do you expect to be ready to talk to your dream girl / boy when they walk by?
When I realized this, I made a goal to speak with someone new EVERY day.
This is what you need to do TODAY.
After you read this post, talk to the next person you see.
If you’re in a cafe, ask someone to pass the salt.
If you’re on the subway, offer someone your seat.
If you are walking on the street, ask someone for directions.
To goal of this DAILY exercise is to get you used to talking to people.
DAILY IS THE KEY HERE
You’re not going to become confident by talking to one or two people.
You need to become the person you want to become, NOW.
You do that by changing your actions and your beliefs, little by little each day.
I know what you guys will say in your little WHINEY voice…
“But Hansonnnnn…. it’s not that easyyyyyy….. WAHHHHH”
STOP. RIGHT. THERE.
You’re a man.
Every man needs to learn how to do this.
I needed to learn how to do this.
Now, You need to learn how to do this.
Because if you don’t….
Well… you’ll be reading articles like this for the rest of your life.
We don’t want that right?
Ready to start?
STARTING is the hardest part.
So let’s make it easy.
Start by talking with people you AREN’T afraid of.
Here is the EXACT strategy I used to get used to talking with people.
It’s the very same strategy I used to walk up to Alina.
Countdown from 5. (I learned this from Mel Robbins: Science Says This 5-Second Rule Will Make Your Brain Stop Procrastinating (Thomas K.)
Sounds silly right?
I’ll explain why this works.
When we first see a beautiful girl, our instincts start firing up.
Our focus gets pulled to her.
If you’re talking with your friends, you ever notice that everyone STOPS talking, and you all know what each of you is focused on?
Women have this amazing power to get our attention.
But once they have our attention, it’s OUR turn to be a man and talk to them.
But this is where we freak out.
We start thinking…(which we should never do)
We picture EVERY WAY this girl will reject us, or we will embarrass ourselves, or she has this ginormous Calvin Klein model boyfriend who drives a porsche and has 8 pack abs.
By the time we snap back to reality from mindf*ckville, the opportunity is gone or we just shot ourselves in the foot by visualizing every reason why we SHOULDN’T talk to that girl.
The reason why this 5 second rule works is because it short circuits your brain from doing this.
We know it’s going to do this. When we have this strategy that we’ve practiced SO MANY TIMES, it’s like muscle memory. Your brain starts counting, you know you need to launch into action like a rocket when the countdown ends at 0.
5 seconds is not enough time to take a vacation down to mindf*ckfville.
I had done this thousands of times before, and ingrained an automatic reaction to when my countdown would end.
I knew it was time to go.
Use the 5 second rule every time you see someone you want to talk to.
STEP 2: WHAT DO I SAY?
Now that you put on your big boy pants, you’re walking over to her, what do you do now?
When I first started practicing this, I think I was around 30 years old. I’d always had a longterm girlfriend and never really approached girls EVER.
In college, it was so much easier.
Everyone knew each other and you just ask for an introduction through a mutual friend.
When you got to talk, you could talk about the friend you both knew, or a similar class you both took, or anything about the college you were both at. You already had some things in common.
In real life, you don’t know ANYTHING about them.
So… what do you talk about?
Having interesting things to talk about and KNOWING how to have a conversation comes down to TWO THINGS.
- How Many Times You’ve Had Conversations
- Living an Exciting Life
Here are the Pros and Cons:
You can control BOTH things (it doesn’t require money)
It will take more effort and being uncomfortable than you’re used to.
How Many Times You’ve Had Conversations
When I started learning how to talk to girls, I tried remembering scripts.
I wrote down potential conversations and practiced talking to doors and walls by roleplaying.
This is a true story.
I spent hours remembering openers and conversations.
I wrote down my funniest stories so I’d know the next thing to talk about if the conversation went boring.
I was committed.
Was I successful?
Did I get better at talking with girls?
short answer: Nah
I was doing all of these things because I was scared.
I was scared for all the same reasons as you.
It wasn’t until I broke it down and made it “simple” that I began seeing results.
step 1: 5 second rule.
step 2: “hi, I’m Hanson”
step 3: I thought you were cute, so I thought I’d introduce myself.
This was almost word for word EXACTLY what I said to everyone I met for 1 or 2 months.
It’s “simple” because I didn’t have to remember anything. (remembering scripts never work because it’s like you’re reciting something in front of a large audience. It’s forced and unnatural. Don’t do it)
In reality, it was very hard because I was uncomfortable and I “failed”.
I “failed” a lot.
Some nights, I’d talk to 20 people and get BLOWN OUT.
Literally, girls would ignore me and I would feel pretty bad.
This isn’t motivating, but you need to work through it.
I know you’re wondering….”why would I ever put myself through that?”
The reason, is because you need to fail SO many times, that you don’t care anymore.
I got to the point that I talked to so many people that I stopped caring whether they were mean to me or not.
I got used to rejection.
The funny thing about that is when you stop caring whether people reject your or actually talk to you, that is confidence.
And when you are confident, you can start a conversation with anyone.
What you’ve done is you have increased your skill in conversation by having so many of them, that you don’t care.
It’s not what you say to people that makes you good at conversation, it’s how you say it.
-said someone somewhere on the internet
I proved this point through one of my games I used to play to get better at talking to girls.
I’d have my friends tell me the first sentence I had to say to girls to talk to them.
It couldn’t be anything crude, rude or disrespectful.
But something ridiculous like,
“Have you every had cherries from outer space?” or
“Did you know the King of Tanzania bathes in blueberries every other Tuesday?”
These games I’d play helped me work on communicating through my nonverbal communication skills.
I can’t teach that through writing an answer in Quora.
Even in person, you can only learn so much with someone watching your nonverbal cues.
The only way you can get better is to practice.
Practice until you aren’t afraid of getting rejected. Practice and have fun.
HOW MANY TIMES WILL IT TAKE UNTIL YOU STOP CARING?
I have no idea.
It took me 2 years until i stopped caring COMPLETELY.
But don’t be discouraged.
It will only take you 2 or 3 months of consistently talking to people before you are a LOT less concerned with rejection.
You’ll still have that fear, but it won’t be paralyzing fear.
You’ll be better than 80 percent of the men out there if you do what I teach after 60 days.
But your results meeting women will skyrocket after only a week of doing what I teach.
NEVER, treat a girl disrespectfully,
NEVER treat them like an object to get,
NEVER treat them like they are lower than you.
You are a gentleman.
If a lady doesn’t want to talk to you, accept it and move on.
It’s her right to not want to talk to you.
Don’t take it personally, just talk to the next person.
The SECOND STRATEGY to have more interesting conversations is to live an interesting life.
Live a life that you find interesting.
Don’t live a life you THINK other people will find interesting,
When you live a life you are excited about and proud of, you are an interesting person.
It doesn’t matter if you love chess and watering plants.
If you LOVE those things, talk about them.
Talk about them with passion.
Your interest and fulfillment in life will attract the right people to you.
Sounds pretty cliche, but I’m a living example of this.
Yes, I spent years fine tuning my ability to talk to people.
My success with girls was decent, but it skyrocketed when I put how I lived my life first.
When my priorities shifted from meeting girls to living a fulfilled life I could see an instant change.
My conversation skills, my desirability, and my perceived value increased which made my ability to connect with people (guys and girls) so much more potent.
Having conversations with girls is MASSIVELY important for men because of several reasons BESIDES getting dates:
- You need to learn how to talk to girls if you want to be prepared to meet your dream girl when she walks by you
- You will learn to NOT hesitate when opportunities in life cross your path.
- Take risks.
- Get out of your comfort zone.
- GROW! You only have one life
- You become more self-confident and self-aware.
- As you begin talking to guys and girls you don’t know, start noticing when you start feeling insecure, uncomfortable, or angry. These are clues as to areas in your life you should focus on growing
- You learn how to treat yourself and other people with respect.
- Many guys teach how to sleep with girls. I have no respect for people like this. They have personal issues they are dealing with and choose to use other people to make them feel better about who they are, even if it’s only for a brief moment.
- Going through these exercises will make you respect your strengths, weaknesses, and help you create the best version of yourself.
Even though you’re using dates with girls as the purpose for talking to them, realize that you are simultaneously growing as a person because you’re getting outside of your comfort zone.
If you’d like me to give you some more ideas of what to say in different scenarios, drop me a comment below.
If you liked this answer, come say hi: